grateful for Christ

Terrible hurt, anger, fear, and confusion can arise when we don’t like where our circumstances take us.  In other words, when things don’t go our way, we get upset.  The love of your life suddenly withdraws from your life, it hurts.  Somebody scams you out of thousands of dollars, you get mad.  You can’t see any way that some terrible situation can be resolved, you get scared.  What you know with certainty seems worlds apart from the facts of your present reality, you get confused.  How do you deal with it?  Many well-meaning people will tell you, “Just trust God.  He’ll work everything out for the best.”  Unfortunately, in your present circumstances that just doesn’t seem to do it.  Why?  Because you are still upset.  Who can surrender to an objective truth while his subjective heart bleeds, festers, and fights?  The first step, it seems to me, is to–quick, guess!–waive your right to be upset.

First, consider that there are a few reasons that come to mind why we might get upset about our undesirable situation:

1. We think that we or somebody else, by wrongful act or negligence, brought it about.
2. We feel that we have no ability to change/resolve it.
3. We just plain don’t like the situation itself, regardless of how it happened or whether or not it can be fixed.

An objective approach would be to answer those concerns one-by-one.  Let’s see if it helps:

1. Why are you upset?  If you messed up, God forgives you.  If somebody else messed up, you must forgive them.  Besides, God is ultimately the one from whom all our circumstances come, anyway.  Problem solved?  No.  I am still upset that I or this other person–or even God, for that matter–made this happen.
2. All circumstances are ultimately in God’s hands.  He will resolve the situation in His time.  Accept it, trust Him, and be at peace.  Problem solved?  No.  I am upset that there is nothing I can do–I feel completely helpless.
   
3. Remember that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.”  Also remember that “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  Therefore we should “rejoice in suffering.”  Problem solved?  No.  I am upset because this is a horrible thing to go through and I want it to end.

In all the cases, the reasons do not really matter.  When you are upset, me trying to reason with you either does nothing or, more likely, makes you even more upset.  Chances are you already know what I am going to try to tell you anyway, because it’s the same thing everyone tries to tell you.  Quick and easy advice seldom gets to the root of the matter–and it takes serious spiritual insight to do that.

Now is where I repeat my nice, pithy, seemingly simplistic solution to the matter:  Waive your right to be upset.  That sounds so lame that it reminds me of the scene in the movie What About Bob? where Richard Dreyfus as the psychiatrist writes neurotic Bob (played by Bill Murray) a prescription giving him permission to “take a vacation from his problems.”  Nevertheless, it does get to the root of the matter.

You see, the well-intentioned Job’s comforters, when they try to pit their reason against your emotion by objectively explaining away the significance of your situation, essentially tell you that you have no good reason to be upset.  This invalidates you and only makes you feel worse.  Now, in certain cases your friends may be right in telling you that you have no legitimate cause for your emotional response; however, it still doesn’t help the matter, because, right or wrong, you still feel the way you feel.

What stops “waive your right to be upset” from being yet another worthless statement?  As I previously mentioned, it gets to the root of the matter.  You feel you have a right to be upset.  Somebody telling you otherwise does not help the matter.  As long as you will to remain upset, no amount of balm will heal your hurt (Jer. 8:22 - “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?”); ten thousand apologies will not suffice to pacify your anger; assurances from Almighty God will not overcome your terror; nor will any bright light be enough to pierce the darkness of your confusion.  All you can do is sit and be miserable, but that only leads to a downward spiral to complete destruction.  Eventually, you will become so hurt, angry, scared, or confused that things will break.  You will become so hurt that you take that hurt out on others or pacify it in some unhealthy way.  Your anger will burn until it leads to some form or another of murder.  Fear will reduce you to an emotional, spiritual, and perhaps even physical fetal position, rendering you incapable of dealing with daily life.  Confusion will gradually pull apart everything you have ever thought true, casting you into a pit of darkness with nothing to help you find your way.

As such, it is to your benefit to be rid of your emotional upheaval.  You certainly can’t convince yourself that you are okay with the situation.  No amount of balm All you can do is choose not to be upset, though you may have every right to be.  This is the internal state of heart from which Jesus’ pronouncements come when He tells us to love our enemies, turn the other cheek, give up our tunic, and walk the extra mile.  Though we certainly have a right to be loved perfectly (“Love your neighbor as yourself”) and have a perfect life free from trouble (i.e., eternity with God in heaven), in this world it will not happen.  People are evil and will always wrong us in some way or another, and as Christ has said, “In this world you will have many troubles.”  We can protest until we turn blue or we can waive our right to be upset.

Only after we have given up on being upset will we be able to see what God is really doing.  Only then will He be able to manifest the perfect disposition of Christ into our lives.  At that moment, we will truly be able to “rejoice in suffering,” and how our situation came about, how it will be resolved, and how long we must be in it will not matter.  Praise God that He has given me this insight, because it is precisely what I need for my present situation.