grateful for Christ

As the world waits to see if the U.S. presidential elections in November will result in the advent of the latest political messiah or the inauguration of the devil, the thought occurred to me today that since neither candidate fits the ideological bill that today’s Christians think would make a good president, it is time to consider a third party solution.  After examining the requirements, might I suggest that Osama bin Laden would be just the president for these United States of America.  Now before you go lynching me for un-American, un-patriotic statements***, hear me out to see if what I say makes sense.

Osama bin Laden should receive the support of U.S. conservatives because he:

• is a veteran of the war in Afghanistan with strong foreign policy and decades of experience defending his country and his people from the forces of communism (Russia) and secular, liberal ideals (remember, he made a name for himself attacking the U.S. under Bill Clinton’s presidency).
• believes in limited government and a strong military, having held off world superpowers with a ragtag crew of misfits and preemptively dealing death and destruction on his enemies.
• is a fiscal conservative who has never taxed anybody and has made a fortune in the oil industry.
• has strong family values.  He upholds the sanctity of marriage to such a degree that he has not one, but several wives.
• is pro-life.  It is estimated that he has fathered between 12 and 24 children (source).
• crosses party lines with his commitment to the environment/creation stewardship.  Proof:  He doesn’t drive an SUV (or anything, for that matter) and he lives in a cave.
• is tough on crime, training for many years with the Taliban, whose strict judicial sentencing rules have never allowed a criminal to escape the severe punishment “God” wants humans to dish out to one another.
• supports the right to bear arms, even brandishing an assault rifle throughout a press interview many years ago.
• wants prayer in schools.  He has been instrumental in the formation of many instructional camps at which prayer several times throughout the day was a firm requirement.
• strongly supports immigration reform, having toiled many years to keep foreign invaders off his native land.
• is incredibly patriotic.  He and his supporters can frequently be seen waving the U.S. flag around with unparalleled vigor, often symbolizing the blazing glory of “our nation” by lighting it on fire.

With such a strong background and firm platform, he is obviously the change we need to lead America into the future.  Do these great United States a favor in November and vote for Osama bin Laden.

Check back here at thegrateful.org in the next few days for my real thoughts on politics, governments, worldly nations, and Christian involvement in such matters.  Suffice it to say for now that my soul longs for the day when Christians no longer engage in turf wars in the world’s sandbox, trying desperately to gain hold of a foreign kingdom while ignoring their own high calling of sons and daughters of God in his kingdom.  Christ’s purpose was to bring eternal life to sinners of every nation, tribe, people, and language–not advance the ambitions (political or otherwise) of humans.  If we trust Him for everything, we can love everybody without worrying about whether that will weaken us or render us vulnerable.  God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.  If we are loving our enemies and living as though the gospel is truly the one thing that everybody needs, we won’t get caught up in wordly affairs.  Wars, governments, police action, human law & justice systems, etc. have nothing to do with Christ, and God’s sovereign control over them means that His sons and daughters need only live according to His kingdom.  Allegiance to any other kingdom–worldly or otherwise–is impossible and only leads to confusion and destruction.

Oops, I said more than I expected.

Grace, peace, and love to all of you in Christ.  May He lead you into all wisdom so you can know the truth of what I’ve written.  Forgive me if the satirical presentation leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

By the way, we must love and forgive Osama bin Laden as completely as God forgives us our sins.  He does not hold us accountable to the law of justice, only the law of love.  So too must we firmly pronounce forgiveness for bin Laden and, by loving, truthful, non-vindictive witness, hold him accountable to his duty to love God and love his neighbor.  We need not press for human justice.  We need only pray for his salvation, that he may become a brother of ours in Christ.  I pray for that day.  May it be so, Lord.  Amen.

End rant.

*** In reality, I am indeed completely un-patriotic and I consider myself a Christian, not an American.  The U.S. just happens to be the particular set of man-made borders in which I was born, raised, and now live.  I have no love (nor hatred) for any country except my Father’s kingdom, which is not of this world.